


Racoon shitposting

by BloodyBacon



Category: Layton Kyouju Series | Professor Layton Series
Genre: Animals, Attempt at Humor, Bestiality, Crack, Cute, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, fat racoons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyBacon/pseuds/BloodyBacon
Summary: what if clive was just a racoon that steals stuff for Luke when he needs it.
Relationships: Clive/Luke Triton
Comments: 23
Kudos: 5





	Racoon shitposting

Luke stared at the racoon digging through his trash. It's ears twitched as it chewed up the freshly thrown away box of cookies that Luke didn't feel like eating. It was fluffy, big fluffy tail, fluffy body, fluffy face. Luke was quiet as he shuffled towards it. Dressed in one of his favorite hoodies and a pair of shorts that were too short to be seen past said hoodie, he was not dressed to be wrangling trash creatures. 

It looked up at him, and they had a stare off for a couple of seconds before Luke threw his body at the trash. It was late at night, and He'd only come back here to see what was making that noise. He didn't expect to end up tackling a racoon to the ground, hissing and squirming. Luke just smiled, multiple bandaids all over his body from where the creature had bitten or scratched him before. This same racoon came by often, and Luke had never been able to capture him until now. 

Luke nuzzled the creature, "Cliveee!" He yelled, that's what he'd named it, after the man who was on TV for almost destroying the whole city. He named it that because he thought they looked alike with the dark circles around their eyes, and the teeth. Not to mention the constantly pissed off look, and people’s general hatred towards them both. Clive went limp, He was constantly subjected to this torture by this little boy, and now that he’d been captured by the lunchable-eating monster, he had just given up. Luke stood, “I can’t believe it!” He exclaimed. 

“You’re so squishy- You’re just like a teddy bear!” Luke happily said, running off towards the front door of his house, opening it up with his new friend in his arms. 

Brenda had just gotten home from work, as evident by her formal getup. Clark was sitting on the couch as she made her way towards him, seemingly about to ask him something before she saw Luke with a racoon. Her first response was to scream, “Oh my god!” She screeched, “Luke did you pick up roadkill?!” Brenda moved back, as Luke started to come forward. 

“H-huh?” He looked down, holding the racoon like it was a baby, “Noo! He’s not dead! Look!” Luke held him out. Clive flicked his tail, and Brenda flinched away, hiding behind the wall. “Get it out of here!” 

“But-”

“No animals in the house! How many times am I gonna have to tell you that?!”

“But he’s a nice animal!”

“Luke! No squirrels- no dogs- no cats and definitely no racoons! I know you like animals but they’re still animals!”

“... don’t worry Clive, she’s just scared but you’re nice now right?” Luke asked, walking over to her. Clark sighed, “Luke, stop terrorizing your mother- take the racoon back outside- wild animals belong in the wild-” he said, calmly. Luke looked down, before walking over to him, “but he’s not a wild animal! He’s a pet- look!” Luke said, holding the creature out. 

Clark looked at it … and it looked up at him, with eyes that cried out for help. He hummed,

… “hm- do you surmise he’s ready for a pet?” He looked over at Brenda, who just glared at him. “It. is. A. Racoon!” She said, looking at said racoon. Clive looked at her …

“W-why’s it staring at me?” she asked, and Luke huffed, setting Clive down on the floor. “He’s a very well behaved racoon! Right Clive?” Luke looked down at him, watching as he slowly crawled towards the door. Brenda shuffled out from behind the wall, and ran off towards the stairs, slamming her room door shut as she made it there. 

Clive was scratching at the door, before he laid down on the floor, completely defeated, probably afraid he wouldn’t be let outside anymore. He looked over at Luke, who scratched his head, and picked him up. “You need a bath-” the boy innocently said, running off towards the bathroom. Clark just sat there on the couch … before putting his head in his hands, wondering if he somehow made Luke this way. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Clive laid on Luke’s bed, his fur puffed out from being blowdried and washed. He smelled like lavender and Luke even put a little ribbon on his tail. The boy was currently trying to play cards with him, but the only game he knew how to play was go fish, and He wasn’t sure if Clive spoke human english. “... um-” Luke said, “ got any ones?” Luke asked, and Clive looked down at his cards … he looked up at Luke, and huffed. 

“How rude.” Luke said, “what’s wrong? Are you still hungry or something? Well- you can’t eat after you brush your teeth so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow-” Luke said. Clive just got up, and hopped off of the bed, going over to the window.

He looked at Luke … giving him racoon eyes, pressing his little hand to the window. Luke got up, “you wanna go out?” He asked, stepping over all of the clothes on his floor. Clive nodded, and Luke gasped …

“You understand me!” He said, and Clive anxiously tapped the window, as if to say “come on, man- let me out!” 

“You’ll come back right?” Luke asked, unlocking the window. Clive nodded, watching as Luke slid open the glass, watching his fuzzy friend scale the side of the house. 

Another racoon came out from the trash cans below, and hissed as loud as it could. Clive immediately let out a loud screeching sound as he ran back up to the window. He threw himself inside, and Luke shut the window before the other racoon could get in …

“Hehe- scardey cat-” he said to the trembling animal under his bed. He closed his curtains, and got back into his spot on his bed, pushing aside the cards as he got under the blankets. “If you want- you can come to school with me tomorrow- I think mom and dad are gonna throw you out if I leave you here-” Luke said. He threw his shoe at the light and turned it off, “goodnight ..” he said …

It only took a couple of seconds for Clive to come out, Luke could hear him digging through his backpack, he was probably eating his snacks for tomorrow, but that was fine. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"This is school!" Luke said, having made himself a cardboard house with a little desk inside of it. He walked inside, holding onto his backpack, dressed in the school uniform he’d been wearing since elementary. He didn’t grow much, even though he was thirteen now, and he hadn’t been to school in a long time, he was just too smart for it. He never struggled on anything he was made to do, constant straight As no matter how far up they moved him. Essentially, he graduated already, but what’s a kid without anything to do during the day? 

He sat down on a moist log that he’d put inside of the schoolhouse, watching Clive as he shuffled around inside. Luke took out a notebook, and a pencil, putting it down on the log between his legs. “Today is art class- you wanna be my model?” he asked, seeing that Clive had somehow found a bag of chips and gotten his face stuck in it. He laid down in front of Luke, and gave up, probably tired from spending all night eating and biting things. 

Luke started to draw him, making a biiiig circle with little nub paws. He pulled some crayons out of his bag, and scribbled in the sort of coffee creamer and caramel color of Clive’s fur. The circles around his eyes were still dark though, so he looked more like a bandit than any other racoon. It was a weird pattern, Luke hadn’t ever seen it before, and that’s why he liked him so much … probably. 

“Aaand-” Luke lifted his notebook, “Look! It’s you!” He said, turning it around. Clive sneezed, blowing the bag away, just laying there like a lump of hibernating racoon chunk before he saw Luke’s drawing. He looked down at his stomach, and rolled over, laying on his side, slapping it. 

Luke grinned, “You do understand me-” He said, “You want me to get your good side, right?” 

Clive nodded, and Luke started to draw again. “Do you ever wonder why people don’t have a bunch of nipples like you do?” He asked, drawing Clive’s bushy tail. Clive didn’t say anything, just made some strange purring noise that the boy couldn’t help but find downright adorable. “Yeah, You’re probably right ..” He said, giving Clive big anime eyes. He was almost done, picking up one of his red crayons to try to color in the dorito bag on the floor. 

When he pressed it to the page, it broke almost immediately, leaving him stunned for a second …

“Oh .. I guess we have to go get a new one! School is over anyways, A+ for your modeling skills!” Luke said, taking a little apple sticker out of his backpack. He walked over to Clive, and stuck it onto his butt, “alright- Now we have to go hunt for another red crayon! We can probably find some at the store-” He said as Clive violently thrashed around, trying to take the sticker off. He couldn’t reach it, rolling over onto the dirt, scrambling before he just gave up and figured he’d be stuck with this apple forever …

He looked over at Luke’s bag, and picked it up, shuffling out after the boy. 

“Um … I think the store is that way-” He said, feeling something scratching at his ankle. He looked down, and smiled, “My bag! I almost forgot it- thank you!” He said, taking out another sticker. Clive slapped at his hands, and ran off ahead of him, being chased in his efforts to escape. “W-waiiit for me! You’re going the wrong way!” Luke said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luke walked through the open door at the corner store, sneaking past the bored, nearly asleep cashier. He nearly slipped across the wet floor, not seeing the sign, ending up catching his balance on a rack of chips befre Clive walked in after him. He watched as Clive jumped up onto the counter. The cashier’s face hit the counter, and he snored loudly as Clive put his paws all over the cash register. It popped open, and he started taking out all of the money while Luke got a box of crayons from the back of the store. 

He turned, and looked, seeing Clive walking towards him with a bunch of money in his hands … “Um-” He squinted, “Oh- ohh! You wanna buy my crayons for me?” He asked, and Clive looked up at him, before huffing, and walking right past him. Luke just tilted his head, following his racoon friend as he put all of the money in one of the brackets a customer would usually use to carry their things around with. 

Luke put his crayons inside, “That’s a lot of money, do you have a job or something?” he asked, watching Clive as he grabbed a bunch of snacks and tossed them all into the basket. He then slid it across the floor towards Luke, who picked it up. He started to walk towards the front of the store, the shopping music making his head hurt a little bit. It was just annoying, the same constant pop songs all the time, no matter what.

Once he did get to the door, a police officer showed up, and Clive ran. Luke wondered what he was running from, before the officer grabbed him by the arm. “Where are your parents?” he asked, and Luke looked down, “um … well my mom is at work, My dad got fired for making a weird joke so he’s probably out trying to find a job right now.” Luke said. He didn’t get to explain it any further as he was pulled away, being forced to drop the basket where it was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I didn’t steal anything!” Luke said for what felt like the hundredth time, Clark shook his head, “Luke, they got you and that racoon on camera, I don’t know  _ how in the world  _ it happened but you need to be honest. You can’t tell me you thought it just- had money or something-” 

“He’s a really smart racoon!” 

“He’s an animal. Luke. He eats trash, If he was your friend why’d he leave the second you got caught?” Clark asked, and Luke looked away from him, crossing his arms. The living room was quiet, so Clark just gave up on trying to talk any sense into him. “Go to your room, You’re not in trouble, I just want you to think about it for a little while, okay?” He said, ruffling the boy’s hair. Luke turned away, and started going up the stairs. 

He walked across the hallway’s carpet, slowly approaching his room. His door was usually open, there wasn’t a reason for it not to be. As soon as he got into the doorway, he saw Clive at his window with a box of crayons in his mouth and a sorry look on his face. Luke almost screamed, but instead, he just quietly shut his door, and ran over to the window, letting his thieving friend inside.

**Author's Note:**

> lol  
> and then after that he just starts stealing crayons and art supplies for Luke  
> he drags him home a touch screen wacom screen tablet


End file.
